Books, podcasts and therapists worth your time
Sometimes the fastest way forward is to borrow someone else's words. These are the books, podcasts and professionals couples keep coming back to when menopause changes the relationship. Nothing here is sponsored; it is simply what helps.
Books to read, together or apart
Reading the same book gives you a shared language. It is much easier to say "that chapter on responsive desire, that is us" than to invent the words from scratch.
Come As You Are, Emily Nagoski
The single best explanation of how desire actually works, and why stress, pain and exhaustion switch it off. If you read one book together, read this one.
VisitMating in Captivity, Esther Perel
About keeping desire alive in long-term relationships. Not about menopause, but the best book there is on why love and lust pull in different directions, and what to do about it.
VisitMenopausing, Davina McCall and Dr Naomi Potter
Warm, plain-spoken and packed with real experiences. A good shared read if she is just starting to make sense of what is happening.
VisitThe New Menopause, Dr Mary Claire Haver
A doctor's clear-eyed guide to symptoms and treatments, including HRT. Useful before a GP appointment, so you both know what to ask for.
VisitThe Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read, Philippa Perry
Not about menopause at all, about how relationships work under strain. Helpful when the menopause conversation keeps turning into the same argument.
VisitPodcasts for the car or the dog walk
Lower pressure than a book. Put one on while you are doing something else together, and let the conversation start itself.
The Dr Louise Newson Podcast
A menopause specialist interviewing patients and experts. Practical episodes on low libido, hormones and relationships, good for listening together in the car.
VisitWhere Should We Begin? with Esther Perel
Real couples, real sessions. Hearing other couples say the unsayable out loud makes it easier to say your own.
VisitThe Liz Earle Wellbeing Show
Regular menopause episodes with doctors and researchers, in plain English. A gentle entry point if medical detail feels heavy right now.
VisitFinding a therapist
A good couples or psychosexual therapist is not a last resort; it is a shortcut. A few sessions with someone trained in intimacy and midlife can move you further than a year of circling the same argument. Look for someone who specifically mentions sexual difficulties, not just general counselling.
Relate
The UK's largest relationship support network. Offers couples counselling and sex therapy, in person and online, and you do not need to be in crisis to book.
VisitCOSRT therapist directory
The College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists. Every listed therapist is trained specifically in sexual difficulties, which matters when pain or libido is the issue.
VisitBACP Find a Therapist
The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy directory. Filter for relationship or couples work, and check they mention menopause or sexual issues in their profile.
VisitPsychology Today directory
For readers outside the UK. Search couples or sex therapists near you, and look for menopause or midlife in their specialities.
VisitBefore you book anyone
If pain is part of the picture, her GP or a menopause specialist should be the first stop, not the last. Vaginal dryness and painful sex are usually very treatable, and no amount of therapy fixes an untreated physical cause. See trusted resources and how to back her up at the doctor.